Shark!!!!

Just when I had managed to calm myself down from thinking about George Lucas’ assault on my childhood, I came across this advert from the animal rights group PETA or, to use their full name, ‘People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals’! Could this be the most ridiculous fucking bullshit poster that has ever been produced in the history of advertising? Aside from the usual crap we expect The Daily Mail (other equally shit and offensive publications are available.) will make of it, about how its release is offensive to those few unfortunates who have recently been attacked by Sharks, the one thing we must (I can’t believe I’m about to say this!) agree with ‘The Mail’ on is the utterly pathetic and fatuous message it conveys. I mean, do these moronic fucking hippies really think that if we all sit around in cotton shirts and hemp slacks eating nothing but Tofu and Soya milk then sharks will give up being predators and happily live fin in fin with all the other fishies as if it’s some kind of Disney-esque magic land?

I’ve never had anything against vegetarians, or vegans for that matter, but if they just look at their own argument, they had better start praying that the scenario in ‘The Day of The Triffids’ doesn’t become a reality ‘cause those fuckers will be first in line for some chlorophyll fueled slaughter! If these vegans are so worried about hurting living things then perhaps they should stop eating plants, after all we have scientific proof that plants have moods, of sort, that they respond to certain types of stimuli, such as music, which effect their growth rates (I hear they're particularly keen on Take That). In fact, if this poster truly reflects PETA’s view towards humanity then my suggestion is for them to stop eating entirely, there are far too many morons on this planet as there is without them churning out shit like this from their intellectually bankrupt minds, so perhaps it’s time for them to sit around a camp fire and sing Kumbya continuously until they can no longer draw breath. Not because I hate vegetarians or vegans but because I hate people foisting their own views on me by using nonsensical, sensationalist and illogical arguments dressed up as some kind of Gaian retribution!

Yours sincerely,

Mr. P.I. Stoff

Walton on the Naze.